"day in the life"
my morning routine runs continuously through my head
i take my cocktail of coloured pills
anti-anxiety, painkillers, vitamins
(my way of getting through the day)
drag a brush through my hair
heart thumping all the while
first lesson of the day
heart calms but i am still on guard
lunch in the hall makes it worse
i get through with the tangle in my pocket
by the end of the day the pain in my wrists is screaming
and i can't get on the buses anymore
too many people, too little space, too hard to breathe
therapy and hospital appointments
i wonder how much the nhs has spent on me
all accompanied by a sibling who
has become king of distraction in the bad times
my dinners are small these days and i seperate the foods
anything to make it less overwhelming
my puddings have a side of painkillers
somedays i lie on my bed for hours
non-verbal, i only communicate through written word.
pain and exhaustion are still pressing issues
heavy breathing, sensory paralysis
people ask me if i'm okay,
i tell them it's nothing i haven't done before
but really, it's terrifying every single time.
i go to bed (having taken more meds)
i cannot dwell on the day because
after all... i will wake up and do it all again the next.
note: this may not be very good, but I liked it enough as it explains my current life after inpatient and going back to school. there aren't any capitals because that's how I always write :)
thank you for reading :)