Saturday, April 16, 2016

"day in the life" (charli attempts poetry)

"day in the life"

my morning routine runs continuously through my head

i take my cocktail of coloured pills
anti-anxiety, painkillers, vitamins
(my way of getting through the day)
drag a brush through my hair
heart thumping all the while

first lesson of the day
heart calms but i am still on guard
lunch in the hall makes it worse
i get through with the tangle in my pocket

by the end of the day the pain in my wrists is screaming
and i can't get on the buses anymore
too many people, too little space, too hard to breathe

therapy and hospital appointments
i wonder how much the nhs has spent on me
all accompanied by a sibling who
has become king of distraction in the bad times

my dinners are small these days and i seperate the foods
anything to make it less overwhelming
my puddings have a side of painkillers

somedays i lie on my bed for hours
non-verbal, i only communicate through written word.
and naturally,
pain and exhaustion are still pressing issues

heavy breathing, sensory paralysis
people ask me if i'm okay,
i tell them it's nothing i haven't done before
but really, it's terrifying every single time.

i go to bed (having taken more meds)
i cannot dwell on the day because
after all... i will wake up and do it all again the next. 

note: this may not be very good, but I liked it enough as it explains my current life after inpatient and going back to school. there aren't any capitals because that's how I always write :) 
thank you for reading :)

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